- those horrible family activities you thought you had seen the end of…
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My darling daughter, in answer to that email of yours…
Im 36 years old. that means Im 21 years older than you,. Admittedly its not much but theres a whole two decade of experience that you can draw on from me that you don't have to go through experiencing your self.
this means that you don't have to make the same gruesome mistakes I did. you don't have to get hurt the same ways I did (I mean you can get hurt in new and different ways , I can hardly help you there - but two people in the same family falling in the same pits would be quite disappointing, don't you think?. ) That's why I like to Talk to you at dinner time, at least twice a week and Communicate.
See this thing called Communication is important, or so Ive been led to beleive. It began when apes decided that by making certain patterns of noises they could actually share feelings, experiences, knowledge and affection. ITs not just a monkey thing either - even fishes do it. But humans do it the best, or are supposed to. that's what I'm told.
now why is communication important?
1. we understand each others lives and can provide the correct kind of love and support among family members that we need
2.we draw on each others knowledge and experience and can share information
3 we co ordinate who does what and settle minor family arguments before they become too nasty
4we can recap on what other family members look like, so that we can later recognize them
ok Im only joking in the last one, anyway , basically, as a Mom, I try my best to bring about the situations in the house where its easier to communicate. That's why once a week I become a really boring drip and insist that all the games, videos and telly dramas are switched off and we have lunch and dinner together, looking at each others faces. Not only do we get the chance to communicate effectively but we can chew our food properly and swallow slowly, for once....I know this is quite tedious but on the bright side, assure you it wont go on for very long - in about 5 years who knows what can happen to us? you may be off to America for your degree(highly probable), I may have eloped with some hairy biker chap (unlikely), or we could be so poor that we cant afford a sit down dinner but must have one meal a day which is lunch and then have a weak dhal soup for dinner. ...(very likely at the rate the cost of living is going up)....
Now I would like you to put yourself in my shoes for once.
Imagine yourself sometime later, all grown up and you invite me over for the weekend. Youve done your shopping, arranged your house and made nice stuff for dinner and you would like to have me over for lunch....I come in say hello brightly and then go to my room and start reading a book, and only come out for potty breaks and to serve my food and take it to my room and eat. –how would you feel? hopefully you wont be too bothered because you are cool and modern; which brings me to the question of why did I bother to come over in the first place? when I could have just sent you a bright cheerful email from where I was....very trendy and happening isnt it - liberated modern nuclear family very laid back and easy going....why take the difficult path when things are so easy anyway?
well the answer my dear, is that sometimes its just not the same. A bit of concern, and involvement and genuine caring is good for you and its something you should learn to give and not just receive..
and why is home cooking important?
well interestingly I haven't done things the difficult way all my life. I tried those easy and smart things too, freezing, thawing, reconstituting, microwaving all the instant modern short cuts available to the 21st century housewife and some of them just don't work. There is nothing like "warm chicken soup for the soul" when you are in pain and here I do not mean that you should kill some innocent fowl *somewhere to be happy - I mean that warm home cooked food is therapeutic. Those pizzas and burgers and fries all smell good but try it day after day and it just makes you want to scream. Hotel food is wonderful to look at but try it for a week or two and see how much you will like it . So by rejecting to learn how to prepare food in your own home who do you think you are fooling? Do you seriously think that you can depend on parents and relatives to cook for you for ever? so then why dont you come and involve in the process and discover the joy in actually making something nice in the kitchen- its not half as glamorous as Quantum physics or Java Coding, but when you are lonely, or when you want to make someone happy, when you need to pamper your children someday or help someone sad, it certainly helps to be able to cook something nice and appetizing. And that doesn't come automatically, you need to work at it a bit beforehand and practice, I'm afraid.
And why do we pray?
You know, in a scented corner of the house with lamps or candles, when its such an old fashioned thing to do. Well, I lived some years without doing that and trust me it kills the spirit of a home. If that prayer corner is neglected and no one bothers to keep those little lamps lit, its like a tiny heart being put out. And once it goes somehow its not that easy to bring back, trust me I have tried.
You know, I m a Busy Working Lady who spends about two third of her life in an Office environment, and sometimes I keep on neglecting so many things that could make my house that much homelier. I regret that because I know what things could be like and I miss how they were. Miss being able to wake with the dawn and hang about in the garden doing nothing, miss being able to cook at leisure with no deadlines, miss being able to sit down and read my religious books in peace, when I feel like it, but sometimes when you get caught in this rat race it happens. All I can say, my darling daughter, is if you possibly can try and keep with those traditions that you have the time for. Don't let go of them, because once they go , its so difficult to bring them back…
…most of all, don't forget the family communication.
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* and did I mention that I am SO proud of you for becoming a vegetarian! That takes self discipline!!!
