A funny thing happened on the way to work today..

...there was another bomb in Kollupitiya...
Im ok. But I was about 5 minutes near it, and the smell was nasty. I usually get off and walk that way to office. Id phoned in this morning to say Id be a little late. Well ,ok quite late considering Im normally at office by 7 am.I had to check on my bike and do some extreme banking and it was 10.40 by the time I reached this junction.
today I had been tempted to get down in Maradana and get a flyer for the Bajaj CT 100 (drool) after which I got in the NEXT bus and thus was about ten minutes later than I would have been.
Life is funny,eh. I wow to hencefourth give in to sudden temptations more often.

KUSUMAWATHIE RETURNS

THE RETURN OF KUSUMAWATHIE*


Kusumawthie, my faithful domestic and possibly Wellampitiyas’s answer to Mary Poppins, Elisa Doolittle, and Joan of Ark all in one, is back after a month long vacation, spent searching for a glass dot in her sole.
… last Monday I waded home through a sudden evening shower and found my front yard shin deep in a small stagnant tidal wave caused by a blocked drain. Silhouetted against our living room lighting the poor dear was battling the flood valiantly, trying to divert water away from the front door using the bathroom squeegee, and failing miserably, as the drain had a sizeable bolus of polythene stuck in it which she hadn’t thought to remove.

Having lived through the Kolonnawa Oil Refinery blast, regular Dengue episodes, surprise Police raids and instances of all out power blackout, not to mention all night exorcism ceremonies with noisy climaxes, I try to be calm in the face of disasters in general, but this was critical -if I had been another 15 minutes late, the sofas and then my bedroom carpets would have been well and truly soaked. We don’t want that to happen- those carpets contain the combined DNA of about 25 long dead cats and dogs who have been our pets down the ages (plus a crow and a bat who escaped and may still be alive) and they STINK when wet so I wanted, honestly to scream, and demand why she hadn’t called for backups, but since this is was our good Kusumawathie , I didn’t….she lives Ive noticed by rather convoluted logic which I cant begin to understand.

Kusumawathie is fifty five according to her NIC but looks much younger or older depending on whether its a fluorescent, daylight or torchlight (-not recommended) . Although she has taken to going through life hunching abjectly in a long suffering attempt to blend in with the furniture and not attract negative attention from malicious planets spinning light years away- her life story, sad to say, involves enough violence, mishap and excitement to make the average paparazzo gasp in awe.
To my knowledge she has so far been 1) knocked down by a car which affected her spine so she cant lift anything 2) scratched in the cornea by a potentially rabid kitten so she wont go near animals and 3) nearly strangled by another moonshine sozzled Sedawatte druggie cum robber cum potential molester who at the last moment in a flash of self loathing let her go on condition that she wouldn’t tell anyone about him- (which of course she did, with relish, anyone who would listen )not to mention the regular crockery throwing matches with her perpetually inebriated better half, and wrestling dramas in local buses. She has also had at least two serious accidents with firewood and hot kettles.

What doesn’t kill you makes your stronger, they say , but Ive noticed in some cases it just makes you paranoid- I have to admit regular serial misfortune has left poor Kusumawathi with a collection of phobias which she firmly incorporates into day to day work: irons for example are unpredictable death traps only to be approached when chaperoned by a capable English speaking person of responsible adult status possessing a valid driving license and vehicle, in case she gets electrocuted and the iron gets stuck to her( yeow!). Irons during a suspected thunderstorm even if it is 30 miles away, in the Bay of Bengal, are out of the question. Rice and pressure cookers and fridges command (un)healthy amounts of veneration although strangely the liquidizer has been allowed some measure of trust since it makes the coconut milk thick in spite of the ruckus. Gas tap replacement is an awe inspiring technical process to be monitored from a prudent distance, and the microwave is a thinly disguised portal to the netherworld as far as Kusumawathie is concerned: anything that small, square and inexplicable just has to be intrinsically evil.
Household dogs are best heard but not seen, preferably incarcerated behind chicken wire barricades so a lot of indistinct muttering greets any attempt to liberate these unfortunates while she is around. Any new pets are greeted with DISTINCT muttering and threats about going into retirement.
Potential visitors are categorized as regional criminals until proven otherwise, and firmly instructed to return with proper credentials.( I admit they often are so I approve)
Storms have a negative psychological impact on Kusumawathie due either to the Awe Inspiring Spectacle of Unrestrained Power unleashed by Nature in All its Glory, or the fact that she doesn’t like getting her feet wet- so the suggestion of a cumulo nimbus (or even a very small harmless regular nimbus) anywhere on the horizon means you can bet your last fiver she wont be turning up: so no hot dinner.
With all this caution getting in the way of her work, you may be wondering what it is she actually does around the house to earn her keep.
To be honest, now I come to think of it, so am I .
Sometimes there is hot dinner and she does make a mean Soya curry, but that’s not really it. It’s the comforting feeling that there’s someone in the back ground just in case you need her, and that’s nice to know in this day and age. So I’m not actually complaining.

*not her real name, of course
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The author gratefully acknowledges that she owes a lot to her domestic assistant without whom she would never have time for the hobbies she enjoys such as: blogging, drawing cartoons, playing pinball on her mobile phone, and going for short dangerous spins in her moped.

COSMIC TRANCE

I dont know how old or how new this album is but I want it-
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/B000065V9J/ref=nosim/societyforhumans

its PASSION by Peter Gabriel who along with Enya , Enigma and Gregorian - is the real meaning of music to me: a point where space, life and time stand still and your being drowns in theta waves..

Any one out there got it ? Ill swap with my giant compilation of 500 titles. Ill actually go out of my way to meet you. Help me!

Coming soon ...

Wellampitiya Revisited

Wellampitiya Revisited...
-or part 2 of the Looney Planet Guide thereto.

You have probably heard about all kinds of vice emanating from Wellampitiya – murders, shoot outs, bus arson(oh joy) and occasional hauls of moonshine: well, speaking from the inside I must tell you these people are not really evil ,mostly they have merely given up with pretenses and dislike beating about the bush and hypocrisy. I personally approve, I mean - instead of the malicious gossip ,backstabbing and subtle under cutting you encounter in so called “civilized” joints, I suggest it would be much more straight-forward to challenge someone you have a grudge against to an open shoot out and have done with them- it’s crisp and uncomplicated.Also being shot cleanly in broad daylight would really be a blessedly quick end to all those vague anxieties about the cost of living, the ozone layer and whether mobile phones damage the few surviving brain cells you do have...
Anyway- to continue from last week-
Endangered Fauna- High on the endangered list is Picky, a local canine citizen I met about a decade back. Among other unspeakable eccentricities, he has a compulsion to mark territory, i.e. pee, on piles of coconuts laid for sale at the local Pola. This would make even the gentlest of meditation-practicing buddhist grandmothers understandably miffed but we are talking about hairy, tattooed underworld beefcakes, so I really don’t know how he has survived this long. True to local tradition, he sports deep manne scars of different levels of freshness on his skull and neck and is blind in one eye; I swear I have seen him chase smaller rivals into the paths of oncoming buses; at the same time, he is very gentle with children and kittens and just yesterday I found him walking around inside a neighborhood pediatric clinic , looking silly and unfocused.
Apart from bats ,kabarayas, visiting troops of grey langaurs, wading birds, water fowl, hoethamboowahs, bandicoots and mongooses, I am rumored to personally harbor a white cobra at the bottom of my backyard, but I have never heard of it harming anyone. If it does exist, it is welcome to stay there. If not, it would mean that the natives have smoked it out, doused it in kerosene and given it a fiery send off, something they do to hapless reptiles, centipedes, scorpions and anyone they suspect of having an alternate sexuality, on the days they don’t attend temple.
Youth activities Little Wellampitians (or Wellampettes as I like to call the precious darlings) are short, shiny and very cute but have sturdy constitutions since their mums went through pregnancy dodging batons, brickbats and bullets and fortifying themselves on exhumed moonshine, instead of regular stuff like Anmum or Preglac: they have fine tuned survival to a happy art, spend the afternoons playing Catapult-The-Town-Idiot, setting fire to the tail tufts of wondering cows and cheerfully riding their tricycles around dodging (and occasionally under) the 40 foot Maersk container-trailers that head in from Orugodawaltta to Peliyagoda.
Garbage Disposal Is an issue here, which the local cattle sadly cannot handle all by themselves though they do try. Some of my neighbors have crossly demanded to know why I carry my garbage long distances and dump it in the local Urban Council collection bins (which are overflowing and stinky) instead of, like them, putting it in my own land since I live on a comparatively large extent of land. I have had to point out that really, I don’t like them putting their garbage in my backyard, either, so will they please stop.
Deadlines
The road watching Wellampitian males are patient and take the security watch matter quite seriously staying up sometimes till about 1 am , doing pretty much nothing except discussing politics ,cracking lewd jokes, chewing things and occasionally hoisting their sarongs into strange arrangements the better to properly air themselves by. There is always a vague air of expectancy but what exactly they are waiting for I’m never really sure.
In conclusion-Wellampitians don’t pretend:if they think someone did something wrong, they tell him so, while ramming his skull rhythmically into a blokgal wall and making him chew on knuckle sandwich.
If they like a woman they appreciate her loudly and enthusiastically.
If they like you as a person you get to attend every festival they can afford to invite you to viz age comings, home comings (after honeymoons or after a stint in jail), funerals and the-after-funeral-but-before-the-anniversary party, you name it, you are welcome. They take Sri Lankan hospitality to new levels. And trust me, as with usual Sri Lankans, there is some darn good cooking at each of these (particularly the funerals ) .
For those of my friends who think this is an article aimed at policy makers,and the local Urban Council I honestly don’t mean it that way and personally wouldn’t suggest changing a thing, except perhaps the mosquito situation. The uncaged writer in me thrives on such excitement as neighborhood flood-outs, vigilante revenges and extreme exorcisms : this beats watching WWF on cable any day. I’m just sorry my article cant be larger, with a colour supplement. :-)
……………………………………………………………………………………………………
The author does not intend to offend anyone local by this lighthearted and affectionate account of her beloved hometown. (Well…Understandably, in the circumstances…)

Information Professionals Unite

Knowledge is power!

Our friend Chammika’s excellent Colombo Knowledge Centre unfortunately does not seem to pop up on search engines , whereas whatever we say on a blogs seems to . ...

So I thought I would do everyone a favour by refering to it here and store the link so you can just click for info. http://www.humanitarian-srilanka.org/CKC/index.php

The Forum on Right to Information or Civil Society Initiative on Information Sharing, whatever it gets to be called (we are still experimenting ) will also hopefully be hosted here under Consortium’s capable auspices…for info please bug Chammika…

Ps Im wondering if this is a chance for Information Professionals in Sri Lanka to pool resources and get cracking on some kind of Association with its own regulations, qualifications and CPD opportunities. ..

by popular request....The add that got me 79 calls a day...

…for three days till I had to switch that phone off, plus about 55 texts, mostly with awful spelling which turns me off, 35 insincere expressions of interest from already married dudes, 20 rude suggestions from teenage dudes, 7 really nice new friends , 3 freelance-job offers from advertising sector people and 2 genuine marriage proposals ….in spite of the fact that I had said “please text”.

Above numbers are approximate but certainly not exaggerated and I still occasionally get a call about this add, probably from someone who is reading an old paper wrapping his lunch or just before he cleans up some cat- poo…

In answer to your next question, Im still single and picky.

The concise “Lonely-Planet-like” guide to...

.....Wellampitiya.-part 1
Wellampitiya… rocks! No seriously, I’m not saying this because it happens to be my home town, and I want to help jack up the land prices by at least 10 rupees per square foot in the area-. Its just that I find it one of the most colorful, interesting, downright adventurous places to live in .And its not that I have lived here all my life, no: I do hazily recall comparatively civilized places like Nawala, Manchester and even exotic Nairobi and they honestly bore me, they are refined, predictable , really sane compared with this joint.

Getting there

Located in the suburbs just outside Colombo , beyond Dematagoda on the Kolonnawa Road, you can reach it by making use of that overcrowded very slow, roundabout bus numbered 140 which heads in from Colombo 3, or the 131 from Maharagama: I am constantly surprised to not hear yet that someone has been found suffocated to death in those buses, frozen clawing rigidly at the straps… I think they must be two of the poorest, smelliest most overcrowded buses in Colombo.
It is also a mere 15 minutes drive away from Colombo’s Town Hall – that’s a maximum of $ 3.50 in a Six-Eight-Eight Cab if you can actually convince them to go that way ( we face the same problem with Pizza Huts unfortunately- I cant think what the natives have subjected them to, they do not give reasons but those cute Pizza delivery chaps would rather run their bikes off Lovers Leap than agree to deliver anything to us although we are technically within their allowed mileage: Sad)

The Local Economy
A substantial number of average Wellampitiya blokes do not actually attend day jobs but send their womenfolk out instead. Since I have a day job I too am not really sure what it is the employed ones do but I’m guessing its very macho and involves a lot of noise. Welding, masonry, truck driving – that sort of thing. And of course its more or less a homeland of tuk tuk drivers, those hairy, honest epitomes of lower middle class moral rectitude. Even the comparatively more effeminate Wellampitia bloke who ends up in the local Chinese food outlet, makes a lot of ruckus about it , chopping kottu roti as if it’s the necks (or worse) of rival gang members and actually manually assaulting the stir fried veggies which lends it that wonderful so called “umami” flavour.

Local Hobbies
Most male Wellampitians have excellent roofing in their homes but spend their lives on the road. The crack of dawn finds these ernest over-zealous early birds walking up and down the main road in banians and gym shorts , brushing their teeth, drinking kola kanda and waiting for the morning newspaper(no doubt for updates on the latest local throat slitting incident ).

Safety : D

usk finds numbers of male Wellampitians squatting in little huddles by the road side, chatting , slapping each other on the back, drinking from strange murky bottles and generally taking their civic duty seriously by monitoring all traffic, particularly the younger female citizens who happen to be returning from a days work. Ok I admit this is what most Sri Lankan’s and indeed most human male creatures in general prefer to do anyway given half the chance but Wellampitians take this very seriously- more as a job than a hobby. The result is, its actually very safe for local women to walk the streets at almost any time of the day or night. Women spend the evenings in temples or walking up and down between houses swapping dishes and retrieving children who have got slightly dispersed during the day(See “Youth Activities)

Organised Crime (we’re talking really organized)
But it’s a different story if you are a stranger in Wellampitiya. The silent looks of calculating concentration from the locals and the decidedly hostile snarling of about 15 under-sized, blotchy but vicious looking stray dogs per average road will send any but the most determined intruder back where they came from within a few minutes at most.
I am personally convinced that thieves, rapists and criminal elements do not stand even a remote chance here unless they have actually agreed through prior bookings with the locals on whom to rob/plunder/molest and to what extent, etc.[1]
I also suspect aspiring criminals from other towns are sent here for final year training and if they ever do get out alive it means they are ready to graduate. Most of these resultant “honors” students leave minus superfluous appendages like noses, thumbs and the occasional eyeball but then those are the subject of good drinking stories later on (plus you get landed with short pithy names like Potta Nihal or Sedawatte Sudo). A very good friend of mine, an ex-Wellampitian who has subsequently moved to Nugegoda and reformed[2] recounted to me that after being attacked by half a dozen knife welding rivals, he regained consciousness in a ditch on the “Bundt” at 3 am with his scalp partitioned into three distinct flaps, and thought to himself- “this cant be my bedroom”

Next week: Youth Activities, Endangered Fauna, and garbage disposal in Wellampitiya

[1] Rather like in the fabled city of Ankh Morpork- check the Wikipedia entry.
[2] Honest!

also available at http://www.dailymirror.lk/sections/supp/w@w/211106/03.asp

(illustration property of Daily Mirror )

Nokia Photography

Something I did using my cheap Nokia 3220 , captured not in a desolate savannah outback but on the Orugudawatte-Wellampitiya route on a blazing island afternoon.Subsequently run through a Photoshop Watercolur Filter. Enjoy.

Why we call Ginger Nuts, Mantal

Mahisha has asked me why we call one of our cats "Mantal"...I thought Id reply here-

Mantal has slight problems - I dont know exactly what its called.He takes time to notice things. For example he may be hungry but he doesnt realise that actually eating some food will solve it. SO he runs around sadly sniffing the air. He also dosnt know that sitting behind the tyre of a reversing car will result in getting his head flattened, so we have to keep rescuing him from our car. He does not know what fire is and sometimes sniffs the gas ring and loses all his whiskers in one go. Needless to say we dont let him go out onto the road and in fact he has no interest in going out. As for mating season, the poor dear doesnt know which side of a female cat he should approach if its actually worthwhile so he doesnt bother. He is a cat in a million and very sweet, but I know he will come to a sticky end someday.

One day soon I shall tell you about Mantal and the resident guarandiar...

TNA parliamentarian N. Raviraj shot dead.

...this morning. Check the news: -in theory you should be able to find live radio streaming here:
http://www.surfmusic.de/country/sri+lanka.html

feeling suicidal ?

if you are a wabbit this should just about push you over the brink....

http://alisher.city.tomsk.net/shared/bunnies/

and Im sorry Im doing this- I know I shouldnt I just cannot resist it.
please someone buy that book, its worth it ,trust me.

another fantastic photo

I totally love these cartoons. This person doesnt know me but is getting me spot on! Wonderful style. Yes, for those of my friends who need something substantial and real to hang on to - my rain story is in wow, (with a few adjustments in the tense ) and thats a wow feeling for me :-) heres the photo of yours truely with the five cats.
http://www.dailymirror.lk/sections/supp/w@w/071106/03.asp
speaking of which, why do so many Sri lAnkans hate the poor things? I love cats- I think they are walking feng shui,the majority of people I meet actually shudder at the idea. Why ? I mean what have they ever done to you ? Being afraid of dogs I understand (altho I love them too) - they are clumsy, smelly and bite you suddenly and absentmindedly in spots you dont want to show the local GP. But cats? why do some people REALLy hate cats? They are clean, quiet* and smell lovely when they come in from sunning themsleves. Is it because they look as if they know something we dont ?for example - how to really really relax and take life easy?

* except for Pitchy (aka Boogie Nuts) Blak ,who must compulsively rear-squirt my rice sack. Marking territory I think the scientific explaination is, but then at our place no one really disputes his ownership of the general area. Not Mantal anyway(the only other male feline around,the one living life at a tilt)

medical reports are in again..

well I dont normally do the cheap trick of copying funny stuff off other websites and pasting here- but for just once I will make an exception possibly because these were so priceless, I dont want to ever lose them (plus I must rememeber never to have myself autopsied without my explicit verbal consent...) (the brackets are mine..)



She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life until 1989 when she got a divorce. (I actually personally relate to that one)
The patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane ran out of gas and crashed (must check on that black box!)
Rectal exam revealed a normal size thyroid. (Long fingers?)
Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant. (gulp)
A midsystolic ejaculation murmur heard over the mitral area. (scientific but it sounds pleasent whatever it is)
The patient lives at home with his mother, father, and pet turtle, who is presently enrolled in day care three times a week. (lugubrious-probebly because it takes the turtle two days to travel)
Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.
She is numb from her toes down.
Exam of genitalia was completely negative except for the right foot.
The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as stockbroker instead. (what with the prices at Apollo and all I quite understand-)
When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room. (is that what you call an Out of Body Experiance?)
Examination reveals a well-developed male lying in bed with his family in no distress. (who did this exam, did he pass?)
She has no rigors or chills but her husband says she was very hot in bed last night. (wonderful, appriciative men like this are hard to find)
She can't get pregnant with her husband, so I will work her up. (gulp , again)
Whilst in Casualty she was examined, X-rated and sent home. ( oh, the disappointment! )
On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it had completely disappeared. ( I often wish mine would too-it would be another decidedly bloggable incident)
The patient has been depressed ever since she began seeing me in 1983. (Im guessing this lady isnt insured.)
I will be happy to go into her GI system, she seems ready and anxious. (these people must be Chinese)
Patient was released to outpatient department without dressing. (no comment)
I have suggested that he loosen his pants before standing, and then, when he stands with the help of his wife, they should fall to the floor. (Im at a total loss for words here- think I shall stop now and let you enjoy the remaining reports...)
The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.
Discharge status: Alive but without permission. (I couldnt resist comenting - I know the feeling...)
The patient will need disposition, and therefore we will get Dr. Blank to dispose of him.(thats got to be Dr Who's nasty psychotic cousin)
Healthy-appearing, decrepit 69 year old male, mentally alert but forgetful.
The patient has no past history of suicides.
The patient expired on the floor uneventfully. (How LUCKY can you get? )
Patient has left his white blood cells at another hospital.
Patient was becoming more demented with urinary frequency. (who wouldnt,poor sod)
The patient's past medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days. (jeeze!)
She slipped on the ice and apparently her legs went in separate directions in early December. (ouch!)
The patient experienced sudden onset of severe shortness of breath with a picture of acute pulmonary oedema at home while having sex which gradually deteriorated in the emergency room.
Patient has chest pains if she lies on her left side for over a year.
By the time he was admitted, his rapid heart had stopped, and he was feeling much better.
The patient is a 79-year-old widow who no longer lives with her husband. (phew!)
The patient refused an autopsy. (Remind me,I must put this on my "to do" list)
Many years ago the patient had frostbite of the right shoe.
The bugs that grew out of her urine were cultured in the Casualty and are not available. I will find them.
The patient left the hospital feeling much better except for her original complaints,....


http://www.thedoctorslounge.net/humour/bloopers.htm

Gallantry getting kicked in the guts...

Sad to say in this day and age of equal rights, women who want special treatment are becoming just as selfish as men sometimes worse. You hear a lot of cribbing about selfish guys but occasionally when a guy tries to be decent he is trodden down anyway. Today in the 140 bus about 3 rows ahead of me there was this school kid maybe about 16 yo who had his hand in a plaster. A heavily built young mother with a six yo kid came down the aisle and the boy gave up his seat for her and the kid, in spite of the fact that his hand was bandaged and he was obviously wincing holding his school bag no one offered him a seat (mostly women and school kids nearby) and the woman he gave the seat to ignored the fact that he had a massive school bag to hang on to, and took the set as if it was her God given right . I was 3 rows back squished into the corner of the bus so it would have been rather conspicuous me interfereing but when I nudged the person in front to take his heavy school bag, she actually took it off him and sent it back to where I was! Really thoughtful! Then the person sitting near the mother-and-kid stood up and left and instead of the mother giving the seat to the poor kid with the broken hand, she simply took her chubby little kid off her lap and placed it there. This mind you in a bus stuffed to choking with people and hardly breathing room.
And most of the time I think that I’m a gernally slow unobservant dufus, but the fact is that our average sri lankan woman on the road will quite easily only spot the things they WANT to see , for example illicit affairs 5 rows away , how many bed bugs live next door etc but not a person with a broken hand right near your seat: no one at all seemed to want to notice …kind of typical.

Oops I did it again, again…

Let’s talk about public bloopers… Total, hair raising, absolute, community-witnessed embarrassment. We all have those nightmares don’t we of being well and truly and totally mortified in front of a crowd. (And kindly leave Janet Jackson out of this – she did it on purpose as you all know)
Well, dear gentle readers, ever since I can remember my nightmares normally come true…
Perhaps it was the encaged extrovert exhibitionist hiding in me: I remember trying to sing when I was about 12, the song was the Carpenters’ one which begins “Such a feelings coming over me…” Well, I was just into the first line when my voice choked up and refused to work – in front of a class of 40 7th graders and the resulting silence was astounding, but nothing compared to the following sniggers and snorts- children, precious darlings, are very honest and open about their unfeeling and un empathetic opinions about other children– so that was effectively the cruel abrupt end to my career in song.

Unfortunately for you, dear friends, I bounced back. Resilience is another characteristic of 12 year olds. But years of undaunted, shameless, liberated exhibitionism later I continue to get myself into potentially humiliating situations which would crush a lesser mortal and freeze her in sheer paralytic agonies of discomfiture. Imagine falling off your motorbike in front of Nalanda collage(at school opening time). …been there, done that. Imagine accidentally scratching the paint off your best office buddy’s brand new Primera, and then being stupidly honest enough to owe up to it … Imagine gesticulating absentmindedly sideways at a totally blank whiteboard while lecturing to first year Econ students. They start blinking lugubriously like in Southpark, slowly and seriously. Almost as bad as being ragged into shouting out the name and description of your favorite Family Planning device in the middle of a crowded Colombo pharmacy?(“no, no please not the one with studs-the plain one-!) and imagine if you will, organizing a surprise office staff birthday party and forgetting to drag in the person whose birthday it is…ouch, now that’s got to make you wince, for years …Can people DO this, you wonder? Relax, folks-and remember to keep Al as a benchmark, set against which any of you normal folks can Feel Good about your selves and say –“Well, at least I haven’t XYZ. .like al did in 1996…”
How can she keep doing it, surviving the sheer mortification time after time, you wonder?
It’s the bigger picture, you see. The average human attention span being approximately 3 seconds, and what with larger issues such as the ozone layer, Ruwandan genocide and whether mobile phones make you impotent, being higher on peoples’ worry lists, the truth of the matter is that it’s really difficult to make a lasting impression on anyone anyway. Ie: no one actually gives a flying f***.
To be honest, in spite of the fact that the human population is swarming, people have never been lonelier or more self centered than the present age! We are all over the place and yet people are constantly dying alone, frozen solid in front of their televisions with a boring supermarket dinners on their laps! So if you are as embroiled in today’s rat race as you claim to be, the chances are that whatever foot in mouth situation made me wince yesterday will be generally forgotten by next Friday and definitely out of public recollection by this time next month- so I take heart!
And if it isn’t, well, look on the bright side: I actually scored and will be the filler subject during those awkward pauses in pre dinner conversations when a circle of drunken people are groping desperately for something to talk and choke about!
Now that’s what you call win-win. ..