From human birth to death, in a maddening cyclical pattern of infancy, childhood, education, graduation, marriage, reproduction, aging and continuous drudgery to survive, through a whirlwind of meaningless traditions and festivals, milestones, new years, birthdays, weddings, and funerals, sickness and health... The human creature constantly seeks happiness and fulfilment and that SOMETHING….
But…. are we ever content with what we get ? Are there moments when TIME suddenly stands still near a lake, with just the wind in the trees, and the moon above, where we suddenly stop to think and wonder about the meaning of life?
Where is this happiness or satisfaction that humans search for? How long does it last and how do you make sure that you can hold on to it? Haven't you actually tried until you cried? Wouldn't life be just perfect IF ONLY, if only you had that promotion/partner/child/ property/vehicle/ recognition/or appreciation that you couldn't? And then by luck, just as you finally got what you wanted, it turned out as unsatisfying, as aggravating and as plain empty as a soap bubble in the wind?
And yet….paradoxically could happiness in fact be found in the acceptance of just such emptiness and in the fleeting beauty of a rainbow coloured sud?
Let me explain.
Last week though I was privileged to accompany a set of seekers led by a different kind of teacher, on an intense journey into a higher consciousness.
The venue was among the heritage sites of Anuradhapura, the land of ancient kings and of power and splendor, now mercifully left mostly deserted by latter day Sri Lankans who prefer the noise and traffic of modern cities.
The group was mostly a modern crew of successful Colombo/Kandy professionals, many from stressful highly paid jobs, a number of adventurous youngsters who were searching for something different to the usual, and some ordinary middle aged people like me who had seen a lot of suffering and needed to find escape from the continuous pain within.
The lockdown of Colombo a few months ago had taken a frightful toll on me, dragging me through the valley of death in my mind; curfews, lawlessness and injustices triggering long suppressed memories of terror, helplessness and abandonment and leading to full blown anxiety. ( I'd been in a bloody military coup in Kenya where curfews held implications of tyranny, torture and terror) The current too was a period of extreme stress in terms of work, income and health, usual unsatisfactory human conditions common to us all, but not any less painful for their familiarity.
Anuradhapura has always been to me a vaguely remote, dry far away Sri Lankan place with old earthen stupas. They are pretty amazing architecturally but I never understood what pilgrims want to see there, and frankly I still don't. I don't think I particularly want to live there, do you? The water is horrible, and infrastructure is not all that great, though the scenery is divine. Any Buddhist temple or really any place of worship is just as good as the rest, to me, I enjoy the cleanliness, silence and atmosphere and the leafy Bo Trees or any trees for that matter, and I can feel peaceful in the environment for a few hours maybe: but that's about it.
Then it begins.
That maddening internal monologue.
That voice in my head which tells me what I should be doing, why I have failed, why I should have done things a different way, why I could have been better if only someone or something did not cheat/abuse/obstruct/ aggravate me, how I am much better or worse than the next person, why these things always happen to me..until the voice tells me to hate people, to hurt myself, to try to be someone I will never be...and tells me that I would be happy anywhere else but here, and now. Have you heard this voice talk inside your head until it becomes deafening? Well...that just the way it is and it turns out that voice is a hallucination, and we can after all make it stop torturing us.
And that after it actually becomes silent... There comes a pause, however small, however light, of such brilliance, and such simplicity that we KNOW, in that moment.
And we know nothingness.
And somehow our awareness breaks beyond the skin of our earthly bodies and expands infinitely outwards...in a shimmering celebration of the limitless human potential for joy and fulfillment in the moment called the present.
And then we understand, it is possible to find bliss, in the here, right now.
……………………………………………………..
For more details on this life changing program you can contact me at hanwella7@gmail.com
Photograph from https://vocal.media/journal/basawakkulama-tank-sri-lanka by Zeloan
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