Thursday, August 31, 2006
Yours truely has decided to start writing again somehow and my new buddy Nury Bey is helping - any potential writers out there please help us put out this joint venture...
Inspired by such greats as MURDER in the LIBRARY and MURDER IN PETTAH ...the title we picked was
MURDER IN COLOMBO which sounded kind of cool but then since I felt the word murder just didnt define all the excitement here I had to change it to -
MURDER ,RAPE ,ARSON and SUNDRY TRAFFIC OFFENSES in COLOMBO ...but its still open to your good suggestions - you decide- anyway from now *we will be trying to write a action adventure mystery novel set in red hot colombo - ...
the production so far :
Lets base it on an estate.a spooky but valuable old house. I know a vigilante- he hacked to death a child molester and buried him in his backyard or something…
Dark , eh? Work with me you never know – we could be the next batman and robin, or tarzan and jane or Wallace and Grommit
*till I get bored of it
Wednesday, August 30, 2006
my blog on pet rescue www.colombopet.blogspot.com, has had to be moved to http://www.colombopetrescue.blogspot.com/
this is because due to the slight technical hitch of leaving our passwords lying around a typical human(homo erectus- what more can I say ?) infilterated it* and took over and is presently giving “animal lover" a new meaning over there…. Well…it wont be difficult to trace who did it from my tracking stats so lets see what happens next….
More about Ginger Nuts ,then at the real pet rescue blog…
*dont you pity people who need this sort of thrill ? I mean how low can you go?
your girlfriend making you all frustrated,again is it, pussy boy?this has just got to be a Sri Lankan!
Tuesday, August 29, 2006
Shock treatment for corrupt CEB officials The government assured yesterday that inquiries would be completed within a month on charges that 12 executive officers of the Ceylon Electricity Board were involved in a multi-million rupee fraud.
and on the same page
Thousands face starvation in LTTE-controlled WanniA serious food shortage is developing in the LTTE-controlled Wanni areas as a result of the closure of the entry-exit point at Omanthai, the United Nations World Food Programme (WFP) warned yesterday
isnt that lovely and Buddhist of us? 200 miles away people are starving and down in the South next week they are increasing electricity tarrifs so that a few bathymathaas can peel off millions for their private coffers. and when they start embezzling they cant do it gently a few hundred laks isnt enough it has to be "clean Colombo out while you can!"
if we are going to rewrite the constitution there should be a little clause where embezzling public funds means you lose body parts, in Lipton CIrcus preferably.
ok , since Im a Buddhist , Ill consider allowing local anesthetic!
Read more at this blog about the excellent progress of bug eyed Ginger Nuts (also fondly refered to as MANTAL) who was then a slightly autistic kitten with a tilted neck and none of the usual cat reflexes, found wondering around in inaccurate circles in a Wellampitiya dustbin ...
Monday, August 28, 2006
Sunday, August 27, 2006
"Why don't we just invite them to dinner and massacare them when they're drunk?"
"You heard the man, there's 7000 of them"
"Ah...so it would have to be something simple, with pasta then?"
The Yen Buddhists are the richest religious sect in the universe. They hold that the accumulation of money is a great evil and a burden to the soul. They therefore, regardless of personal hazard, see it as their unpleasant duty to acquire as much as possible in order to reduce the risk to innocent people....
-- (Terry Pratchett, Witches Abroad)
For animals, the entire universe has been neatly divided into things to (a) mate with, (b) eat, (c) run away from, and - rocks.
-- (Terry Pratchett, Equal Rites)
Of course, Ankh-Morpork's citizens had always claimed that the river water was incredibly pure. Any water that had passed through so many kidneys, they reasoned, had to be very pure indeed.
-- (Terry Pratchett, Sourcery)
Cuius testiculos habes, habeas cardia et cerebellum.
-- (Terry Pratchett, Small Gods)
....still on the subject of elephants, I used to love to paint them , when I was a kid. * this here one however is not technically a painting - I got a wildlife CD from Pettah ,froze a good frame, pencil sketched the elephant in a few minutes adjusted the sketch with a good eraser and some spit, then it was scanned and run thru photoshop7, colour varied , and then I used the gradient tool forthe sky. I intend to subject this poor animal to more unnatural manipulations *,so do stay tuned.
* paint here, means on paper . Not the other way.You figured ,right?
*I mean, in *Photoshop*
Saturday, August 26, 2006
(Budget available - 60k)
Pros of buying a well trained Asian Elephant to take me to office -
1)Id be helping conserve the asian elephant
2)Id be totally *environment friendly*
3)Id save on the petrol thereby indirectly helping our Balance of Payments situation (wow ! Patriotic!)
4)If tuk tuk drivers try to say things to me I can gently instruct the Elephant to pick them up and place them in the nearest canal. or on a roof top.Carefully and courteously mind you.
5)I wouldnt have to worry about getting run over by maniac 138 buses . I can tell my charge to sit on them for a while and hopelessly delay them if they are rude to me.
- it would take me 1 hour to get to work at the lesuirdly pace taken by local pachyderms and if there are females in the nearby temples there may be what perhaps can be called "diplomatic incidents"(=further delay)
- and there is one little problem at my Flower Road office - parking.
I guess thats why I had to settle for a moped.Dang!
Thursday, August 24, 2006
its done about 3000 km and its running fine - I refill the fuel tank about once in two weeks (and i make a profit whenver i hoard a 5 litre jerry can as prices have invariably risen since the last time I stocked up -) and-best of all- I can park on a cutting board. Plus no helmet or license required so far.I want to go for a bigger bike that will take me down south on sundays.
sorry- you will not get to meet me by answering to this add frivolously,you will only waste your time- my gardner is handling the sale, and he is a .hairy. red eyed. beetle chewing octeganarian. from wellampitiya.
thats what happens when you stay away from Karate Class for 3 months and then pop up,grinning sheepishly -1) master khalid makes fun of you and your organisation for good effect "if THIS is how they monitor elections ,no wonder the country is like this " or something to that effect , all in good cheer mind you
2)you get thrown in at the deep end and all those exhuberent 11 year olds start gleefully throwing you just to see the interesting sound effects produced when your skull hits the floor..
well that was my Thursday evening for you.
and meanwhile - I just found out that are lots of friends from Kolonnawa reading (wow - there is intelligent life near Wellampitiya !!! it must be after Perera and Sons opened up) welcome yo all- Im a Kolonnawian too, altho I keep saying Colomboan-(I wish !) (well actually to be honest Im Wellampitian,* cringe*)
you can now, thanks to technical assistance from Maus, enter annonymous comments on my blog.Please doooooo!
love ya all and have a nice weekend!
ps next week : " my zits dont lie"
Wednesday, August 23, 2006
ps: ladies, ignore the guys on guys stuff-they are just being high spirited. ...
ps again: how I fell on it is by tracking the proxy addresses of some blokes who had visited my blog- I do that kind of thing occasionally...see, Ive been watching you ,watching me...
ps for the third time- now please dont stay away from here because of that. If you track mine you'll find I surf in much worse places- and Im no prude about it ,so hakuna matata!
As a fellow member of a "generation born into the war", I have reached saturation point where I just want to do something! I feel that anything has got to be better than just sitting around belly aching about the "useless" Govt, the "atrocities" of the war, how useless the situation is or how helpless we are to make a difference. I've decided that if I can't make the 2 parties come to the table, I'm atleast gonna help the victims of the war (IRRESPECTIVE OF THEIR ETHNICITY)! Cos' simply too many ppl have died, too many ppl have been displaced and are being forced to live under "pathetic" conditions that it's hard to even imagine that ppl can live like that and just too many of us have become indifferent to what's going on around us!
So, to cut to the chase, I did a bit of digging and one of my friends found out that the College of Journalism is collecting stuff for the displaced ppl in the North and East and will be sending the stuff there via Muslim Aid, a local NGO, that will be personally responsible for distributing the stuff to the displaced ppl in the North and East.
The stuff needed are;
Dry rations – sugar, dhal, flour, rice
Baby products – milk, nappies, soap, powder
Sarees, shalwars, sarongs
The drop off point and contact person is;
65/5, College of Journalism,
C/o, Sri Lanka Press Institute,
Contact - Amantha Perera - 0712-295929
PLS FWD THIS TO AS MANY PPL AS YOU CAN.
Thanks alot for caring!
Tuesday, August 22, 2006
Extracted from the Golden Ankh-Aljuhara 2002
“How’d it go son?” inquired Mousey’s mother, handing him his normal dinner flat bread and fried fish.
“Well there was this sort of cheaper place like downtown, where you don't have to mortgage
your pyramid to embalm a dead rat …But like its kind of final, sort of…they take out more than they put in you know..”
“That’s life dear, The spirit is willing but the cash is tight …I’ll tell you what, its your cat
so I’ll let you keep him in your bedroom until we pass Bubastis on our way to visit the 2nd gran…” absentmindedly she was being more than just generous here since their living room was already so full of extended relations who had died of the plague that there was no room for their meager furniture and Dad had started using one of his cousins to support the ashtray…
“Which particular gran would that be, mum?” Mousey asked vaguely and immediately regretted having asked.
His mother seemed to swell “ the valuable one, the one with the Gold and turquoise eyeballs
… how many times have I told you we have to remember the dead …do you know the one I’m talking about?”
“Uh … “
“Mouse lazybones … You sleepy headed dung beetle eater …It never does to forget the dead. You know our Profession…”
He knew only too well and everyone else knew too that although Mousey’s father called himself a carpenter the only carpentry he did was axing open other peoples coffins in the deserted
acropolis around Thebes. It was his “profession”. In fact it was the profession of his father too and his grandfather and so on. It all really depended on having a good memory for places and names. Mousey had, frankly neither. His mother tried often to force him to study and memorize some top-secret lists of important locations and names but he was honestly hopeless. Anyone could see he would make a lousy tomb robber some day, digging on all the wrong places and completely messing up the system. If, that is, he ever did go out and start to actually do something as strenuous as digging in the first place!
*(pardonez moi, mutter aney oi prench wagey ispelling nam hari amaarui -no honest i dont know how to spell bokay, ironic I guess-gimmi some time Ill check )
The Frog and the Princess
Once upon a time, a beautiful, independent, self assured princess happened upon a frog in a pond.The frog said to the princess, "I was once a handsome prince until an evil witch put a spell on me. One kiss from you and I will turn back into a prince and then we can marry, move into the castle with my mom and you can prepare my meals, clean my clothes, bear my children and forever feel happy doing so."
That night, while the princess dined on frog legs, she kept laughing and saying, "I don't think so!"
and somehow the frogs it made me think of the local sri lankan guy scean....
Guys - dont get the impression Im a "man-hater"- far from it ,I assure you.
I just find Sri Lankan male chauvanism so FUNNNNEE.
Like when we were at the police station and the cop there told my (now ex) husband that he really didnt have the power to make me go back home with him - you should have seen the look on his FACE.
it was like "What ? You mean women arent legally our PROPERTY once you get them to sign>?SHUCKS! "
may be in Taliban land , honey...
Small , perfect , sweet to smell.
Innocent, Trusting. Fast to grow.
Ticklish, wicked , hard to tame.
Earnest, wonderful, poetry in curious motion
And then suddenly they are asleep at peace with the Universe.
pst. bad news,dear gentle readers : I have writers block today. This happens whenever Im given a deadline. Its astounding. It feels as if its spreading to my speech centres too, (claustrophobic paranoia!) I imagine the final outcome will be "Speakers block" (arrrk). Just picture a quiet and very boring pause during a middle class dinner in Colombo and the only thing you can think of saying is -
“yes, …in fact…Ive decided to take some time off and have my Fallopian Tubes tied…”
Monday, August 21, 2006
now dear Extremist Terrorists out there - heres how to get maximum impact for your locally made, budget priced, small scale explosives,remember - you can get truely international dimensions to the incident : -
step one - take a small ordinary looking, old, cardboard box write on the sides of it " BOMB- stay clear! Highly Explosive ! " in 2 inch letters on the sides (remember to translate to sinhala too)
step two - wait for a large crowd to form around the box (this should take about 5 minutes since the State hasnt come around to importing those yellow polythene tapes you see on the X FILES with "POLICE LINE STAY CLEAR " written on them)
step three - throw in a small lump of hand modelled plastique - nothing too fancy,you can make it on the run-since the crowd is already there ,youll have your headlines...
naa, dont mention it , youre most welcome
I just know it -this blog is going to get me killed one way or the other.
for those of you who need a translation - Im trying to tell people to stay clear of danger spots but then its wasted since I know the people reading this are not that dumb...
Yesterday was no exception. The food was good, the room was fine, the beach in the morning was glorious as beaches always are at dawn,
but I still dont see an "ethnic problem" , do you my wonderful multi ethnic friends?
I totally approve of ethnic diverstiy and always have - it means there are lots of interestingly different hunks* around-and fantastic fusion music and lots of sumptious types of food to chose from!!! wadey, samosa,thosai and aappa - who wants to eat French Fries all day long , for petes Sake?!
I do see CRIME ,TERRORISM, CORRUPTION and HYPOCRISY plus a lot of inefficiancy in our intelligence bureaus, and a lot of really dense Colomboans but still no reason to panic. Sri Lanka is beautiful! Dumb but beautiful!
*click here for example hot pic of diverse hunks, http://gayarab.org/images/5.jpg
"never mind all that- where can we get the VCDs?"( re Anakarli being censored)
"the problem is - we dont have enough rock concerts in this city," (re The Colombo Wars - Attack of the Robed Ones.)
"Youre going to Negombo? You mean I have the house to myself ? its safe for me to have that threesome I was planning ? Quick- I must order the choclate ice cream"
ya,ya I know I said I was going to Negombo,- Im waiting for the van to show up...the other johnnies are smoking, Im blogging.
Sunday, August 20, 2006
Now since Im leaving my readers for a few days I must leave you with some thing to look forward to...so I promise you next week: the Great Kapuwa Expose.
You ever been lectured to by some important fuddy duddy character in a very high up post who says sanctimoniously that prostitution should be criminalised in Colombo and all the brothels burnt to the ground ? or has your goody two shoes husband been acting mysteriously of late deleting his text messages the moment he receives them and his face glows oddly in the dark???
well...yours truely has been doing 6 years of research on Kapuwa.com under a whole host of multiple personalities(which is why I never lie - its too complex to keep track of all the things I tell these good people!) - and from next week I shall be bringing you all the details you didnt know about Colombos Married but Available....
suffice it to say- the gist of my research has me wondering why these people ever BOTHER with the lace and flowers and wasting other peoples time( you have any IDEA how much rastiyadu we have to do in Pettah to find MATCHING blouses for your crummy high profile weddings which dont last three months in spirit altho on the outside they drag on for decades -??!!) - my conclusion ? Colombo is a veritable barnyard- and they are all being religious and hypocritical about it as usual !!!
ps and if Im killed on the way back from Negombo ,well ,so much for freedom of speech....
(I can almost hear the screams :waahhhh somebody ban aljuhara!)
one day I swear I shall write a book titled as above- but in the meanwhile - tomorrow Im scheduled to take a working break at Negombo at a Teacher Training Workshop.
workshops , seminars,meetings yuh thats life these days
and yup... the clipart is mine...:-)
ps this is what you call a "grassroots"meeting as they are all sitting on the ground-- the alternative in NGO parlance is a "National "meeting (all in some plush Colombo joint eclairs and spring rolls served) or an National Seminar (plush Colombo joint , booze served with the food) and International Sympoisum means really big plush OUTSTATION Joint and booze and real food and people being simultaneoulsy translated into world languages and teleconferencing. and email notes are copied to Kofi Anan.
By T. Farook Thajudeen
The Child and Women’s Bureau of the police charged yesterday that film director and actor Ranjan Ramanayake had sexually abused the under aged actress Anarkalli Aakarssha while filming ‘One Shot’.
The bureau made its complaint to Colombo Chief Magistrate Kusala Sarojini Weerawardena and said at the time of making the film Ms. Anarkalli was a minor.
There we go again. Colombos Child and Womens bureau apparently have nothing better to do with their time. all the little slum girls who are obviously pregnant with their grandpas baby , and all the Dubai housemaids' kids' who daily have to fend off foetid advances from their kassippu drunk baaappas , the thousands of garment sector women who are foreced to submit to molestation so they can keep their jobs - they collectively pale into insignificance when someone shapely dances in the rain, in something thin.
....the funniest part is that the lady in question vehemently denies it and there are people jobless enough to fight for her rights on her behalf, on moral and philosophical grounds . ..
yo, Child and Womens bureau! - it would be a nice change if you actually spent some time checking out ,for example, some of the things happening in Colombo buses, maybe that way,some day, a decently dressed lower middle class young girl can travel in peace, without actually being ejaculated on all the way from Town Hall to Angoda!
Friday, August 18, 2006
Press Release / 2006.08.18
On Violent Disruption of Anti War Rally in Colombo
The Free Media Movement (FMM) condemns the forcible attempts by group of monks and lay persons under the banner of the Jathika Sanga Sammelanaya ( National Buddhist Monks Association) to disrupt the peaceful anti war rally held in Colombo on 17th August 2006.
FMM deplores the violent behaviour of the agitated crowds as well, and calls for non violent forms of resistance in the face of aggressive and provocative behaviour.
Free expression of diverse ideas is a hallmark of any democratic society. Tolerance and promotion of diverse opinions are a necessary precondition for any democratic discourse. We note with serious concern the trend towards violence and suppression of protest on the part of certain extremist groups who seem, evidently with leverage among ruling parties, and functioning under a religious cover, want to impose their hegemony in the sphere of ideas by force. Only extremism and authoritarianism can prevail under such conditions.
FMM stands for the right of the Jathika Sanga Sammelanya to have and express their own opinion, and urges them to respect the same right of other organisations and persons. At the same time FMM would like to reiterate that the government is duty bound to protect free speech in a democratic country.
Free Media Movement
sorry this is slightly shortened, the full text is available at http://www.freemediasrilanka.org
man would I like to get my hands on one of those Point Of View Guns from the Hitchikers Guide -
now for example what would people do to us ,if we ,or the Anti War bunch , were to crash one of the Saadhu meetings and start shouting and waving placards on their stage ??
and on the subject of For- War sadhus , I have it on good information that there are about 30,000 of the happy souls in robes in this country. If they want war , why dont they join the army - it would be quite uplifting to Army Moralle, dont ya think ?
If they need to fight for the Dharma Dveepa - (and maybe they can find ways to justify such a fight ), fight with the rest of the army boys and when Jaffna is resplendent once more, they could come back and put their robes back on - what do you say ?
"But Master, how do I not contend with a man that would contend with me?" -- Caine
"In a heart that is one with nature, though the body contends, there is no violence, and in the heart that is not one with nature, though the body be at rest, there is always violence. Be, therefore, like the prow of a boat. It cleaves water, yet it leaves in its wake water unbroken." -- Master Po
Thursday, August 17, 2006
or is this a Buddhist?
"The universe contains a certain pebble, known as the earth. And many are the men who have formed attachments to it, no less foolish than yours." -- Master Kahn
Tuesday, August 15, 2006
Mallika is a good example -she works in my office and Ive known her about 3 years now , absolutely splendid housekeeper and makes the place shine ,but the cleaning company exploits her - they pay her about 200 a day and they make about 15000 a month on co ordinating things. well , i dont blame them considering how difficult it is to manage some people but I personally would like to help poor old mallika - shes looking for a job as a domestic - she says she can look after kids , keep the place clean that sort of thing shes asking about 7,500/- a month (negotiable) but I dont consider that too steep for , say a busy executive family who needs a domestic help ?
What I find trying about some colombo yuppies is that they earn salarys which run to laks a month with all the perks and then they tell me they want some one to baby sit for about 3000/- a month
now that really annoys me - they would spend that on one bottle at a poolside dinner - but what exactly do they think you can do with that amount ? they are human,right??
and hey these are their precious children they want looked after right? surely they are worth more than that ?
if you want more info about Mallika write to me firstname.lastname@example.org - dont worry,Ill vouch for her behaviour- I think shes a good sort.
meanwhile - heres todays reading its a heartwarming tale indeed
Thursday, August 10, 2006
I guess its time I told you all that my pen name Aljuhara comes from Jewel of the Nile which is my favourite film of all time. My favourite character is the sufi -he sits around meditating in the middle a lot of chaos on top of a speeding train. Another of my all time favourites is Kung Fu starring David Carradine.
Strange I totally respect sprituality in people but I have become rather a hopeless materialist....
Entirely on a tangent here is some of my third world clip art..some of them are on post tsunami relief themes. You need anything like this you know who to contact...
and back to my musings....shucks! Im wondering if its actually spelt al jawhara...in which case I dont stand a chance on ANY search engine..waaaah!!!
Power corrupts, but blogspots reveal.
by the way the only place on the net I found any reference to some sort of protection for a Colombo Consumer is -
Mr. Leel Gunasekera.
Federation of Consumer Associations,
you people out there are welcome to tell me what happens when you send the gentleman a fax.
and ps- no Im certainly not being elitist. you dont have to be a Colombian to compain about the atrocities in the marketplace these days.
Sunday, August 06, 2006
Garudas are really hardy by the way - I had soaked some laundry over night, washed it, squeezed it and then rinsed it in softner again and after i hung it all out, I found this rigid crooked looking centipede (garuda - thats the maeaty overweight nasty one -apparently a vegetarian who lives in coconut trees) in the remaining water in the bucket.I poured the bucket in the drain as usual and I thought the garuda was dead and was about to lift it out of the drain with my fingers then it started waving a feeler....man that was close -
I know what my ex hubby would say " You see how she washes my shirts!"
and if you want your own Chinese Red Head just order from here http://www.goldenphoenixexotica.com/order.html but remember
*Handling of Scolopendra species is NOT recommended
Friday, August 04, 2006
Last evening me and my friend Asanka decided to do a "shopping paarak" ,you know one of those lesuirdly no deadline escapedes where there is a vague goal in mind but you just check out the available stuff ,drool over things and gernarlly drive sales people bonkers. Her mom was already in Borella so we were to rendevous with her near the famous Srina Palace (trinkets ,fancy goods and girlie things joint) where she would chose a small imitation necklace for an upcoming wedding...as it would happen aunty had already chosen this item and was coming out with it when we all looked closely at it and decided that it really didnt cut the grade and we would like a change.
Now I know this is naughty but it really shouldnt be a hanging offence,should it, women being the capricious creatures they are ,often get items changed and this was barely ten minutes from being sold packing intact etc.
we walked in and politely asked if we could change this,from a burly mustachioed guy behind the counter and to our total surprise he started booming out loudly what an inconvienace it was and he would not put up with this sort of thing .He must have weighed about 100 kilos and had a voice like a boombox which he was used to intimidating customers with, a regular little mini terrorist I daresay - and then when the poor girl tried to buy something she needed from the cosmetics section he started SHOUTING that only imitation jewelary could be swapped for imitation jewelary and complaining in stegasaurus tones that she was really being a pain. This was an absolute loud show with the sole purpose of humiliating and intimidating us ,since this was his ostensiably his castle.
Finally my friend was forced to purchase some overpriced glitzy false bangles which she did not want and withdraw in embarresment.
My question is - does this man really think that people will come to his place any more with an attitude like that ?I must admit it is an unusual sort of marketting .I have for example done business with Mr Ajmal of Ajmal Traders who is practically a billionaire and I only purchased a moped from him which is nt even worth as much as one of the lights on his SUV- and I have called him up with petty problems which are not really part of his after sales agreement but he has been polite and courteous to me!
as for Mr AWM Nazar , I belive his name is , well , the legal aspect of this is something I intend to investigate. At no point in the whole building was there any sort of nofitication about their replacement policy and the fact that someone politely asked for an exchange within ten minutes of a sale and was thus punished with harrasment and intimidation until they had to hastily withdraw with a terrible sense of depression after what should have been a pleasent friday afternoon shopping tour - proves that in its large and small ways terrorism is still very much alive and well in this country...
Girls - if you want to shop in peace and have a good time - stay away from Srina Palace at least when Mussolini is around ! (the other sales people are saints in comparision -but just think he is the one who gets the huge margins )and anyway try good old fashioned Pettah for all the glitzy stuff and you will find just the interaction with the freindly helpful people there is a fulfilling experiance itself ! I actually do that as a personal birthday treat to myself every year- take a day off and shop till I drop,in colourful friendly Pettah!
Location details available here but sugegst you stay away unless you are doing a study on how not to attract customers http://www.manaali.com/srina_palace.htm